Days like this I want to drive away…

Music. If you’ve not figured it out yet, is a major part of my life and well lyrics speak to me constantly – as if some songs were written just for me.  Like Katy Perry’s song, Part of Me, really resonates with me on some days and it’s really thumped in my head more lately.

There are two parts of the lyrics that really stand out for me: Days like this I want to drive away – Pack my bags and watch your shadow fade …  I just wanna throw my phone away – Find out who is really there for me… I’ve often wondered if you reach a point where disappointment is truly heartbreaking … so overwhelming that you really want to do something as radical as what these lyrics suggest.  Sometimes you just wish you actually could do just that … drive away and throw away your phone  … see what would actually happen.

I even alluded to it several posts ago when I had been listening to John Mayer’s music non-stop and had bonded with Heartbreak Warfare with the single line … Disappointment has a name, it’s heartbreak warfare.  I think, perhaps, I was attempting to avoid the inevitable … me walking away from people within my life whether it be friends or sadly enough – family.

I’m always happy when someone has the genius to turn a literary work I love into a Broadway hit like Wicked because one of my favourite songs of all times comes from that musical and it’s the moment in the play when Elphaba makes the decision to succumb to the pain and heartbreak she has been put through and live her life handing out nothing but misery. The song, Defying Gravity, pretty much sums up why she makes the choice she makes …

Something has changed within me – something is not the same … I’m through with playing by the rules of someone else’s game … It’s time to trust my instincts, close my eyes and leap … It’s time to try defying gravity, I think I’ll try defying gravity and you can’t pull me down … I’m through accepting limits – cause someone says they’re so … some things I cannot change but ’til I try,  I’ll never know — too long I’ve been afraid of losing love I guess I’ve lost … well, if that’s love – it comes at too high a cost … kiss me goodbye, I’m defying gravity and you can’t hold me down … – Elphaba Thropp, The Wicked Witch of the West

I think music has reminded me, lately, that no matter how hard you may try, sometimes you cannot avoid disappointment.  You can do a lot of things when faced with disappointment … you can ‘run away’, be miserable or ‘walk away’ … and for me, I’ve reached that point where I have to just ‘walk away’ from people who, on a regular, on-going basis, disappoint me with promises or their actions.  I’m just not willing to be disappointed, hurt or sad any more.  I’m not even sure an apology or a huge effort will change my mind at this moment in time. 😦

And I have a request … if you pray – could you pray for my ‘child’ – Nica, I’d really and truly appreciate it.  I didn’t realise that she had been eating paper until I discovered her munching down on a napkin on Monday and now, she’s bloated and we’re playing this waiting game of ‘will her body digest it’ or not. She doesn’t seem to be in any pain or discomfort — perhaps, it’s just me being upset about it.

And of course, I made the biggest mistake by going online and searching for ‘what happens if a dog eats paper’ … Needless to say, I’m upset by what I’ve read and I should have known better, but … 😦  I’m hopeful that the pumpkin, extra water and frequent walks will help her digest it and expel it.  At this point, she can poop all over my house and I’ll be perfectly willing to deal with it.

So much on my mind … but I do hope that everyone’s week is going well.