Yes, it’s good to be …


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Well, so much for sticking to my goal of journaling at least once per week, but sooner is better than never!  I’ve been, as those of you who follow, recovering from a what I’m calling the longest year (2013) of my life.  I lost my 93-year-old grandmum in March — had two major health scares/issues (all is well now!) and then I lost my four-legged child, Nica.  Last year – as the old adage goes – wasn’t my year.

Needless to say … 2013 is a year that I will never truly look back upon with any admiration. Ever.

I’ll say that 2014 has started out pretty well and I’m praying (and hoping) that the trials and tribulations of the past year are … gone – at the very least grounded.  Of course it all started out with a little trip on 6 January to Pasadena, California (Los Angeles) for a little game called: The National Championship …

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I don’t think I need to really go into great detail, but my Garnet & Gold boys weren’t doing so great in the first half — and then, well, the second half happened and this picture sums it up so nice and neatly …

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And yeah, we scored 24 points to bring the trophy home … it showed that our team has character, strength, unity and determination!  Never been so proud to be a member of the Seminole Nation! And yes, dear Gator fans — we just tied it up with three. So, suck it!

And of course, since I lost Nica — I’ve been on a roller coaster of emotions (still am – truthfully) and I struggle with her not being here with me; however, I’ve a new little one that will be coming home with me this Friday (24 Jan) …

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Her name is Alexa — I didn’t have a hard time picking out her name!  She, of course, is not a replacement for Nica — she’s just the next chapter in my life of Jack Russell Terriers.  It’s so hard when you lose them and I had almost decided that I wasn’t going to ever put myself in that position again of being so sad and heartbroken.

And then friends stepped in … and my dear friend, Dona told me: Don’t wait like I did.  And so, in an effort to bring about some healing — I found a wonderful couple who are hobbyists who had puppies born in late November — they don’t breed year round — and well, they’re family now!  I’m so excited — I’ve had some guilt — for this Friday, but I know that Nica wouldn’t want me to be sad … and I, in turn, know that Nica would love Alexa!

And that’s where I am … although my journey to being happy was derailed last year – I’m determined to get myself back on the track and move forward — I won’t forget my grandmum or Nica, but I’ll heal and treasure all of my good memories of both of them.

I hope everyone has a great week … I am off tomorrow and Tuesday!  Yes, it’s good to be …

Bryce

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They say time heals all wounds …


6ac8b2ca22ab59fb413512c8a397ef4aI’ve been off the grid … I’m still mourning the loss of my little angel, Nica.  I knew she was an important part of my life, but I never truly understood just how important until she was gone.  People who have never committed themselves to their pet 110% really couldn’t understand the void left when they leave you.

My love affair with Nica started on day 57 of her life and it didn’t end the day she left me — 13 years, 4 months and 19 days — either.  I loved her greatly whilst she was here, but I love her even more now than I did then.  I’ve utilised many distractions to deal with her being gone — with my ‘work’ being one of them; however – home is a completely different story.

My morning, evening and night routines are all screwed up.  Why?  Nica was an integral part of all three of those each day … I know I’m not going to get over her quickly nor will she ever be replaced.  She couldn’t be replaced — she was one in a bajillion.

I just hope that I did everything that I could do when I knew something was wrong … I did everything within my power, but it wasn’t enough.  And I think that’s why it’s so hard for me to move even an inch forward.  I’ve gotten to the point where I don’t even talk about her around friends any more.  I just don’t think they want to hear about it.  And that’s okay – because they all still ask – here and there – how I am and that matters in so many ways.

So many of you who follow have messaged me … I know that you don’t even know me personally; however, that speaks volumes about the fact there is still compassion in this world — even amongst strangers.  I appreciate your kindness – it helps. Truly, it does.

So, I’m going to make a commitment to being back on track with my blog for 2014.  And of course, I’m going to try even before we get there.  They say time heals all wounds, but for now – this wound is deep and I cannot guess how long it will take.

To all of you … here’s to the true spirit of Christmas – love.  I’m wishing you all of the good things that Christmas can bring.

Peace –

Bryce

By the Grace of God …


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Thank you, Katy for sharing your pain and your resolution …

“By The Grace Of God”

Was 27 surviving my return of Saturn
A long vacation didn’t sound so bad
Was full of secrets locked up tight like iron mountain
Running on empty so out of gas

Thought I wasn’t enough
Found I wasn’t so tough
Layin’ on the bathroom floor
We were living on a fault line
And I felt the fault was all mine
Couldn’t take it anymore

By the grace of God (there was no other way)
I picked myself back up (I knew I had to stay)
I put one foot in front of the other
And I looked in the mirror and decided to stay
Wasn’t gonna let love take me out that way

I thank my sister for keeping my head above the water
When the truth was like swallowing sand
Now every morning, there is no more mourning
Oh, I can finally see myself again

I know I am enough
Possible to be loved
It was not about me
Now I have to rise above
Let the universe call the bluff
Yeah, the truth’ll set you free

By the grace of God (there was no other way)
I picked myself back up (I knew I had to stay)
I put one foot in front of the other
And I looked in the mirror and decided to stay
Wasn’t gonna let love take me out, oh, that way,
No, that way, no
Not in the name of love
In the name of love
That way, no,
That way, no
I am not giving up

By the grace of God
I picked myself back up
I put one foot in front of the other
And I looked in the mirror (looked in the mirror)
Looked in the mirror (looked in the mirror)

By the grace of God (there was no other way)
I picked myself back up (I knew I had to stay)
I put one foot in front of the other
And I looked in the mirror and decided to stay
Wasn’t gonna let love take me out that way.
– Katy Perry, By the Grace of God, PRISM

This is my song right now … but I have to thank my family for keeping my head above the water … when you lose something so important in your life … you become instantly lost and hope fades quickly like the setting sun; however, when you have people in your life who you know love you and understand what you’re going through … you will get that hope back.

If you’re going through it … pick up Katy’s new album — trust me, you’ll find some release there … I have never fallen in love with any album so quick as I have with this one.  Every song has purpose and takes you through her journey — the same journey many of us have been on.

No, I don’t work for Katy, but I know passion, truth and perseverance when I see and hear it.

Life has been hard for the past few weeks after losing one of the most important things to me … but it will take time and I will never be over losing my baby, Nica. Never.

Life is so much more than what we are seeing right now …

I will be back on a regular basis now that I’ve found my way again.  Thanks to all of you who’ve emailed, texted, called to check up on me … your kindness shows that humanity is not as far gone as some believe.

I send you my love and peace …

Shalom,

Bryce

The day I dreaded has arrived.


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5 May 2000 – 24 September 2013

My beautiful and precious Nica left me earlier today.  My heart has shattered into a million pieces.  I’m so thankful to God for taking her in her sleep and before she was in any pain.  For those of you who’ve reached out via email or by calling – thanks so much.  I’m afraid that I won’t be of much use to anyone for a few weeks — so, if I don’t contact you back — please, do not think anything bad about it – I just need time to grieve and mourn my little angel.

Scribbles on a Sunday AM.


2012-10-28_1250_001It’s hard to let go of people – especially if they’re blood.  I’ve been in this tug-o-war with wanting to do what’s right and well, letting go and walking away because after a while you just get tired of dealing with pure, unadulterated nonsense in your life.

As therapy has taught me – sometimes you cannot do anything to alter the course of another’s thinking — especially if they’ve built it into their own convenient truth.  And when it’s their truth – nothing you can say or do will ever be right.

I’m not sure if getting older has anything to do with it, but I think there must be some chemical released that just makes you ultimately reject utter nonsense.  I just don’t have time to deal with it any more and especially when it became vindictive.  I’m not allowing anyone to derail my journey back to being the old, fly-by-the-seat-of-his-trousers, happy, go-lucky, silly Bryce.

2012-10-28_1117We learned one very important thing on Saturday during FSU’s 62-7 route of Nevada: Jameis Winston doesn’t get down on himself easily.  I must admit, I became anxious and nervous when FSU fell behind.  It’s that feeling most Seminole fans have had to deal with the last few years.  And it’s not fun.

Winston isn’t like any of our former QBs from the last few years — unlike those, he stepped back into it and made things happen.  He wasn’t rattled – he returned to the basics and secured his confidence and then lit it up.

I think it’s safe to say that our running game is back as well with Freeman, Wilder and Williams — it’s just going to get better as the season goes on.  And the ‘D’ – which is top-heavy with underclassmen — they’re growing up fast and getting better by the play.

Of course, this was Nevada – an FBS opponent.  It’s hard to understand why FSU is playing Nevada, Bethune-Cookman and Idaho this year, but hopefully the last two do not become stumbling blocks for FSU.  I’m really hopeful for this year — and of course, I’m hopeful a few other teams we have to play end up ranked in the Top 25 to spruce up our end-of-season resume.

Broadchurch

I’m so hooked. David Tennant, whom I love as an actor – especially as the 10th Doctor – has managed to capture the essence of his character DI Alec Hardy and make Doctor Who fans watching wince frequently.

He’s not the funny, go-lucky Doctor — instead, he’s an often arrogant, smug bastard that makes you want to reach into the screen and pop him a good one.  And that’s what makes him an outstanding actor because of his ability to transform – completely – his image from previous roles he’s played.

Anyway, the first series is just pitched in eight shows — and it’s captured my attention from the start.  It reminded me of AMC’s The Killing … They’ve thrown every wrench they can to keep you from figuring out who killed 11-year-old Danny Latimer, but I think I’ve figured it out — and we’ve only two shows remaining.

I believe Danny’s killer is DS Ellie Miller’s husband and I base that upon a few subtle things he’s said or done in previous shows — and in the upcoming show, his son Tom smashes up his own laptop in an attempt to prevent any data recovery.  I don’t want to guess why he’s the killer, but I believe him to be the killer.  And we’ll know for sure in two more shows.

Broadchurch doesn’t end — its been announced that they’ll return with a second series and that is pretty exciting!  Broadchurch airs on ITV in the UK, but in the US it airs on BBC America.  If you have BBC America OnDemand, you can catch up with all the episodes before the final airs.

2013-09-15_0933And of course, there is my sweet Nica.  I talked about her condition here and now we’re on this slow-paced recovery.  She’s back to her old self, but is still so very thin.  Our new vet has shared that older dogs have a hard time putting weight on quickly and because of what she went through — well, this will take a few months even to put on three-to-four pounds.

Those of you with dogs can appreciate why this upsets me.  She only weighed just under 10 pounds when she had this dramatic 4.5 pound weight loss; however, she’s eating ‘raw’ food now — scrambled eggs, cottage cheese, boiled chicken and veggies.

She’s no longer lethargic and she’s back to wagging her tail non-stop, carrying around her babies and barking again.  I must admit, I cried the first time she barked again.  I’m thankful to God and of course my parents and friends who’ve been supportive through this moment in time.  Also, thanks to those of you from here who’ve taken the time to email to check up on her! 🙂

I know she won’t be here forever; however, she shouldn’t have to leave earlier than her time because of some incompetent, young and arrogant vet who doesn’t deserve to practice!

I hope everyone is having a great Sunday thus far and that this week will be smooth sailing … I know I have to get back in the habit of scribbling my thoughts down — it helps me debrief at the end of week — and it’s cleansing! 🙂

Hugs,

Bryce

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