We are infinite.

Think.

By the Grace of God …

Thank you, Katy for sharing your pain and your resolution …

“By The Grace Of God”

Was 27 surviving my return of Saturn
A long vacation didn’t sound so bad
Was full of secrets locked up tight like iron mountain
Running on empty so out of gas

Thought I wasn’t enough
Found I wasn’t so tough
Layin’ on the bathroom floor
We were living on a fault line
And I felt the fault was all mine
Couldn’t take it anymore

By the grace of God (there was no other way)
I picked myself back up (I knew I had to stay)
I put one foot in front of the other
And I looked in the mirror and decided to stay
Wasn’t gonna let love take me out that way

I thank my sister for keeping my head above the water
When the truth was like swallowing sand
Now every morning, there is no more mourning
Oh, I can finally see myself again

I know I am enough
Possible to be loved
It was not about me
Now I have to rise above
Let the universe call the bluff
Yeah, the truth’ll set you free

By the grace of God (there was no other way)
I picked myself back up (I knew I had to stay)
I put one foot in front of the other
And I looked in the mirror and decided to stay
Wasn’t gonna let love take me out, oh, that way,
No, that way, no
Not in the name of love
In the name of love
That way, no,
That way, no
I am not giving up

By the grace of God
I picked myself back up
I put one foot in front of the other
And I looked in the mirror (looked in the mirror)
Looked in the mirror (looked in the mirror)

By the grace of God (there was no other way)
I picked myself back up (I knew I had to stay)
I put one foot in front of the other
And I looked in the mirror and decided to stay
Wasn’t gonna let love take me out that way.
– Katy Perry, By the Grace of God, PRISM

This is my song right now … but I have to thank my family for keeping my head above the water … when you lose something so important in your life … you become instantly lost and hope fades quickly like the setting sun; however, when you have people in your life who you know love you and understand what you’re going through … you will get that hope back.

If you’re going through it … pick up Katy’s new album — trust me, you’ll find some release there … I have never fallen in love with any album so quick as I have with this one.  Every song has purpose and takes you through her journey — the same journey many of us have been on.

No, I don’t work for Katy, but I know passion, truth and perseverance when I see and hear it.

Life has been hard for the past few weeks after losing one of the most important things to me … but it will take time and I will never be over losing my baby, Nica. Never.

Life is so much more than what we are seeing right now …

I will be back on a regular basis now that I’ve found my way again.  Thanks to all of you who’ve emailed, texted, called to check up on me … your kindness shows that humanity is not as far gone as some believe.

I send you my love and peace …

Shalom,

Aye, get oan wae it already …

Sometimes that’s what you have to do … shut up and get on with it. Part of being unhappy is allowing someone, something or some place to drive you to utter despair.  That’s the bottom line.

A lot of my close friends are truly amazed (and even a few inspired enough to go to therapy) because of my ‘back to being Bryce’ on a regular, full-time basis … so, if we were at a pub, I’d say, “Therapy all around!” 🙂

I am doing much better and I’m really doing my best — and being pretty successful — at not getting bogged down in negativity — in my professional or personal life.

Because it’s been a long day … enjoy some of my favourite quotes and songs I love …

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Here’s to a great rest of the week …

xoxo –

 

 

 

 

Cause baby, I’m a firework …

I’ve been away. Oh, you noticed. 🙂 As ‘witnessed’ by the number of emails I’ve received from many of you. I think I was able to post everyone back … life has a funny of way of throwing you for a loop. My journey back to my own, personal happiness … derailed for a bit, but I’m back on track albeit the sadness surrounding my grandmother.

I’m lucky, among few, to still have living grandparents … and this grandmum — she’s 92. Of course, so many people say, “Wow. At least she’s lived a good life.” Is that supposed to be some sort of consolation? This world scares me too death … the lack of humanity that exudes from the youngest generation makes me want to run away screaming like I’m on fire. ::: SMH :::

So, my grandmum has congestive heart failure — which means … it could come at any moment. We’ve had those “gather everyone together” moments … several times, but she has always managed to fight it off and defy the odds. I don’t know if I’m being selfish because I still want her here with us; however, I don’t want her to suffer and want her to go in her own time and on her own terms.

Therapy has – obviously – been quadrupled up because this isn’t something I’m ready to deal with – now or well, frankly: EVER. Yes, I’m one of those people. I know that the people that matter most to us have to go one day. That’s what my head says, but my heart – well, it feels differently. Thanks to my lovely therapist … this moment I’m going through right now is ‘easier’ because of clarity.

Today was one of my visits. She remembered me. She smiled at me. She told me that she loved me. And she waved at me whilst we were sitting in the silence … I waved back and smiled. Today had to be one of my most precious moments with her that I’ve ever had despite her barely speaking. I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world. There aren’t enough words in the English language to express what she means to me … how much I love her. So, for now … we wait for the inevitable. 😦

Aside from that, I’ve been going pretty well … just extremely busy with work and yes, it has simply become work. Whenever others think something is a good idea, but don’t have to do it themselves … well, it becomes work. Of course, I’ve decided that I’ll not be working outside the confines of my work day anymore. Period. And this makes me smile, smile, smile … all the time because it’s the best kind of ‘revenge’!

So, I just watched Katy Perry – Part of Me … it reaffirmed why I love this girl so much. We’re totally on the same page … in utterly a bajillion ways. And her lyrics … well, they breathe life into me … and make me contemplate life on a broader scope.

And what I didn’t know was that during the filming of this project was when Russell Brand filed for divorce. He was: heartless, thoughtless, selfish and well, an asshole.

Probably the song I love the best – and let’s face it that’s a hard choice to make – is FIREWORK … if you’ve not heard it — take a listen below and if you’ve heard it — listen again — it NEVER gets old … right now this is my theme song – it’s helping me remember that no matter what might be going on … I’m a firework. 🙂

 

And of course, you might be wondering what I’m watching on telly now …

Yes, I am watching it … why wouldn’t I give it a chance? I’m a certified Sex and the City (SATC) fan and I have to say that it’s more than I expected. Plus, if you’re a Doctor Who or Torchwood fan — you have to watch it to just see what Freema Agyeman brings to the show.

So far, I’m not disappointed. Of course, there’s one annoying character and that’s Carrie’s little sister … who, thankfully, we never had to see or endure in SATC. 🙂

And well, where have I been … I got sucked into Downton Abbey during the middle of S2 via PBS. So far, I’ve enjoyed every single millisecond of the show — and Maggie Smith — well, she’s not the nicest character and it’s nice to see her … snippy side.

Of course, just like any show — it has its tear-jerking moments and of course the attempts of bring the 21st Century back a century to explore issues that were – most definitely – not acceptable … at all.

And then, there’s Arrow. I’m still hanging in there with this one … although, I think it might not survive — just The Secret Circle didn’t survive last year. 😦 The premise of the show is great, but I’m not sure the writers are always able to pull it off. Some of the casting is brilliant whilst some of it — well, makes you wonder — how did that person land the role. I’m hoping it survives.

And that’s it for now … yes, I’m back at least once a week … if not more. 🙂 I’ve always got something to say – like it or not. I hope everyone has a great week … in two weeks I’ll be on another holiday — yes, you heard it — another holiday! 😉

Shalom,

 

 

 

Reflections when you’re wide awake …

If there is a draw back to the digital age of music … it’s that we can pick and choose what tracks we want off a new album without, well – you know,  purchasing the entire album.

It doesn’t happen often, but there’s always that one song you never heard and when you hear it – it immediately becomes an instant epiphany.  And that’s the case with the song Wide Awake by Katy Perry.

This song … I’m not even sure I can even translate what I’m thinking, feeling, understanding …

I’m wide awake
Yeah, I was in the dark
I was falling hard
With an open heart
I’m wide awake
How did I read the stars so wrong?
I’m wide awake
And now it’s clear to me
That everything you see
Ain’t always what it seems
I’m wide awake
Yeah, I was dreaming for so long

I’m wide awake
Not losing any sleep
I picked up every piece
And landed on my feet
I’m wide awake
Need nothing to complete myself, no

I’m wide awake
Yeah, I am born again
Out of the lion’s den
I don’t have to pretend
And it’s too late
The story’s over now, the end

I wish I knew then
What I know now
Wouldn’t dive in
Wouldn’t bow down
Gravity hurts
You made it so sweet
‘Til I woke up on
On the concrete

Falling from cloud 9 (it was out of the blue)
I’m crashing from the high
I’m letting go tonight (yeah, I’m letting you go)
I’m falling from cloud 9

I’m wide awake
Thunder rumbling
Castles crumbling
I’m wide awake
I am trying to hold on
I’m wide awake
God knows that I tried
Seeing the bright side
I’m wide awake
But I’m not blind anymore…

I’m wide awake
I’m wide awake

Yeah, I’m falling from cloud 9 (it was out of the blue)
I’m crashing from the high
You know I’m letting go tonight (yeah, I’m letting you go)
I’m falling from cloud 9

I’m wide awake
I’m wide awake
I’m wide awake
I’m wide awake
I’m wide awake

And of course, if just reading the lyrics weren’t enough … try listening to it here:

Of course my connection with this song is the entire premise of what it’s like to wake up and finally begin to realise where you have been and where you want to go. 🙂

Part of this journey has been dealing with the past where people used me in various ways and I think I actually carry scars from being asked to be the alibi for people I thought were my friends — and ultimately when the chips fell and I needed support — they were no longer there for me.

I’m with Carrie Bradshaw on the “can you truly forgive if you can’t forget” train for situations like that!  No matter what, I am in a better place now and know who to give my love, trust and loyalty to in my life!

The journey to happiness continues and it gets better and better every single day … because I’m getting better with understanding that not everyone has to go on the journey with me! 🙂

This past weekend, I flew to NY for the weekend and had the chance to have a great time with my friends there, but also witnessing the damage to many parts of the city and its Burroughs.

I never went to Staten Island but did make it to Rockaway Beach in Queens and was overwhelmed by what I saw.  It is truly amazing – and not in a good way – to view the power of nature and its effect upon communities. 😦

I had the chance to visit, again, the 9/11 Memorial in Lower Manhattan and this time … it wasn’t crowded and it – even now – still seems surreal to me that the Twin Towers are forever gone.

I don’t think anyone who ever visited NY pre-9/11 could ever truly understand what is no longer there.  😦   I will never grow tired with NY as there are and will always be new adventures there when I return. 🙂

The Nole Nation had dreams at the start of marching, unstopped, into the BCS National Championship game; however, some beyond frustrating and RIDICULOUS play calling against N.C. State flung the Seminoles out of the race.  I could go on and on about Jimbo Fisher; however, I’m not wasting anymore time complaining about his bi-polar play calling in games that MATTER.

What I am happy about and I know the players are happy about … a 9-1 record.  That record is a true testament to the fact that FSU has experienced and seemingly (hopefully) understand adversity and how to take it by the horns and sling it to the wayside.

That’s just what happened at Virginia Tech on a cold Thursday night.  And yes, for the record let me state just how much I detest and HATE Thursday night games — FSU has never fared well … until recently. 🙂 Down 22-20 with 2.19 left to go, EJ Manuel orchestrated a 52-yard game winning drive.

A drive not punctuated with one RUNNING PLAY  – that had failed ALL BLOODY NIGHT LONG and yet, Jimbo Fisher just couldn’t seem to get it.  Perhaps that’s his problem — he comes in with one plan and one plan only … I’ve never coached, but I’m smart enough to know if you’ve got -15 yards in total rushing (and you’ve had a pretty phenomenal running game all season UNTIL this game) that you don’t keep going to it … over and over and over and over again. Note my frustration.

So, I credit the win over Virginia Tech solely to EJ Manuel who simply did what he knows how to do: lead his team down the field.  Of course, now, the media is calling Maryland’s defense one that should not be overlooked and well, it is a road game.

So, let’s hope Jimbo has more than one game plan just in case FSU’s running game is put on ice and of course, let’s all take note — listen up Jimbo … gotta win this one to make to Charlotte on 1 December for the ACC Championship and of course, there’s the little rivalry game coming to Tallahassee … although they think (the Gators) they’re going to come in and just and I quote, “demolish FSU” … LOL. 😛

And in the Middle East, Israel has finally had enough of the daily Hamas rocket bombardment and has struck hard at the heart of Hamas.  Many people shy away from this topic; however, I’m not one them.   If a line is to be drawn in the sand, then it’s quite easy for me to choose a side … the loss of any human life in this conflict is tragic; however, Israel has a right to defend themselves from the daily assaults of Hamas. Period.

President Anwar Sadat’s words, in 1979, to the new found peace between Egypt and Israel still carry great value even today:

“Let there be no more wars or bloodshed between Arabs and Israelis—let there be no more wars or bloodshed between Arabs and Israelis. Let there be no more suffering or denial of rights. Let there be no more despair or loss of faith. Let no mother lament the loss of her child. Let no young man waste his life on a conflict from which no one benefits. Let us work together until the day comes when they beat their swords into plowshares and their spears into pruning hooks. And God does call to the abode of peace. He does guide whom He pleases to His way.”

I’ve been so busy that I’ve really not been watching any telly; however, it’s all waiting for me on TiVO and of course, I’ve a week to catch up, up, up! 🙂  I hope everyone has a great weekend … I know I’ll have a great weekend because I’m going to do absolutely NOTHING. 🙂  I’m sure I’ll be posting more this week as I’ll not be “working” … No jealousy, please! 🙂

Shalom,