The tests of life … continue.


2013-06-21_1024So, I’ve been away – yet again – for far too long.  Life is so much more complicated than any of us could (can) imagine and my journey back to my happiness is still on-going; however, there have been huge gashes in the road — heartbreaking to say the least.

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One of my newest friends – Brando was found murdered five days ago.  We joked about how we hadn’t known each other for very long, but that it felt like we’d known each other forever because of everything we have in common.  There are no clues.  One witness who they cannot find. Too many questions. 😦

Death seems to be everywhere around me as of late – some expected and now – this horrific moment in time with B. 😦  I’m so heartbroken and so confused how any human being could purposefully end the life of another. B was so full of life and had a passion for British telly – yes, that endeared him to me because there have never been many people to talk to about my shows and now, the number dips again. 😦

Please pray for his family as they are so devastated by his death and of course, his core group of friends as well.

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Aside from this, I’m going well.  Dealing with some things that I’ve no choice but to deal with … but I’m taking it all in stride.  My faith has been shaken before and I came back stronger.

I’m going to use everything I’ve been dealing with and going through as of late to my advantage as I continue on this journey.  And that includes writing here … about any and everything that has purpose and meaning to me.  Until then …

Shalom,

Bryce

 

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just remember life goes on


2013-03-19_1918Life has been  tumultuous since 28 December, but things seem :::knock on wood::: to falling back into order and now I can journal on a regular schedule and for this, I’m thankful.

So, after having been in hospital, at a rehab centre and then at home, my Grandmother – at the age of 92 – left this world for a better place.  I was extremely close to her and in the last year, I found it hard to see her deteriorate as she did. 😦  I’m extremely thankful that I had one final visit with her the week before she passed — it was priceless (as I stated in a previous journal entry). I miss her terribly, but she’s still in my heart.

So, imagine dealing with a loss like this and then waking up one morning — 12.46 AM to be exact — in the most incredible pain. Kidney stones. KIDNEY STONES!  Let me assure you that it’s a pain like no other pain in this world — and I’ve had several women who’ve had children and kidney stones say, “Bryce, now you know what it’s like having a kid – except the pain with kidney stones is much worse.”  Thank God I cannot get pregnant. 🙂

And that’s the mayhem from March — work has been incredibly stressful as of late as well, but the next two weeks will help alleviate all of that stress so long as everyone else does their part to make it so.  So, if you’re reading this and you pray … send those my way and for all those involved in this two week time frame. 🙂

So, therapy went out of the window from mid-February until last week — and now,I feel like I’m being able to get back to where I was and that’s a good feeling! 🙂

It’s such a beautiful day … the weather is perfect and with that being said – I’m out of here for today!  Just as Stella had to get her groove back, I’ve got to get mine back with writing this blog — so, bear with me — it’ll be back to “normal” (whatever normal is) before you know it!  Have a great rest of the weekend! 🙂

Shalom –

Bryce

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All Quiet on the Bryce Front.


92816442292283170_cmXBZXNp_cIts been a week today that we said good-bye to my Grandmum. Since late December, members of my family had been on 24-7 with her and on 4 March, she left us after my sister said it was okay if she was ready.  I’m sad, but happy that she’s no longer in pain.

Thus, my having been so quiet since late December.  I’m still contemplating all that’s happened as of late and once I’ve sorted it out, I’ll be back.

Still going to therapy, but I’ve so little to say when I’m sad and thus, my keyboard remains quiet.

Until then –

Bryce

 

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Cause baby, I’m a firework …


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I’ve been away. Oh, you noticed. 🙂 As ‘witnessed’ by the number of emails I’ve received from many of you. I think I was able to post everyone back … life has a funny of way of throwing you for a loop. My journey back to my own, personal happiness … derailed for a bit, but I’m back on track albeit the sadness surrounding my grandmother.

I’m lucky, among few, to still have living grandparents … and this grandmum — she’s 92. Of course, so many people say, “Wow. At least she’s lived a good life.” Is that supposed to be some sort of consolation? This world scares me too death … the lack of humanity that exudes from the youngest generation makes me want to run away screaming like I’m on fire. ::: SMH :::

So, my grandmum has congestive heart failure — which means … it could come at any moment. We’ve had those “gather everyone together” moments … several times, but she has always managed to fight it off and defy the odds. I don’t know if I’m being selfish because I still want her here with us; however, I don’t want her to suffer and want her to go in her own time and on her own terms.

Therapy has – obviously – been quadrupled up because this isn’t something I’m ready to deal with – now or well, frankly: EVER. Yes, I’m one of those people. I know that the people that matter most to us have to go one day. That’s what my head says, but my heart – well, it feels differently. Thanks to my lovely therapist … this moment I’m going through right now is ‘easier’ because of clarity.

Today was one of my visits. She remembered me. She smiled at me. She told me that she loved me. And she waved at me whilst we were sitting in the silence … I waved back and smiled. Today had to be one of my most precious moments with her that I’ve ever had despite her barely speaking. I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world. There aren’t enough words in the English language to express what she means to me … how much I love her. So, for now … we wait for the inevitable. 😦

Aside from that, I’ve been going pretty well … just extremely busy with work and yes, it has simply become work. Whenever others think something is a good idea, but don’t have to do it themselves … well, it becomes work. Of course, I’ve decided that I’ll not be working outside the confines of my work day anymore. Period. And this makes me smile, smile, smile … all the time because it’s the best kind of ‘revenge’!

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So, I just watched Katy Perry – Part of Me … it reaffirmed why I love this girl so much. We’re totally on the same page … in utterly a bajillion ways. And her lyrics … well, they breathe life into me … and make me contemplate life on a broader scope.

And what I didn’t know was that during the filming of this project was when Russell Brand filed for divorce. He was: heartless, thoughtless, selfish and well, an asshole.

Probably the song I love the best – and let’s face it that’s a hard choice to make – is FIREWORK … if you’ve not heard it — take a listen below and if you’ve heard it — listen again — it NEVER gets old … right now this is my theme song – it’s helping me remember that no matter what might be going on … I’m a firework. 🙂

 

And of course, you might be wondering what I’m watching on telly now …

the-carrie-diaries-13-1024x768Yes, I am watching it … why wouldn’t I give it a chance? I’m a certified Sex and the City (SATC) fan and I have to say that it’s more than I expected. Plus, if you’re a Doctor Who or Torchwood fan — you have to watch it to just see what Freema Agyeman brings to the show.

So far, I’m not disappointed. Of course, there’s one annoying character and that’s Carrie’s little sister … who, thankfully, we never had to see or endure in SATC. 🙂

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And well, where have I been … I got sucked into Downton Abbey during the middle of S2 via PBS. So far, I’ve enjoyed every single millisecond of the show — and Maggie Smith — well, she’s not the nicest character and it’s nice to see her … snippy side.

Of course, just like any show — it has its tear-jerking moments and of course the attempts of bring the 21st Century back a century to explore issues that were – most definitely – not acceptable … at all.

Arrow-Tv-Series-Main-Character-HD-Wallpaper_Vvallpaper.NetAnd then, there’s Arrow. I’m still hanging in there with this one … although, I think it might not survive — just The Secret Circle didn’t survive last year. 😦 The premise of the show is great, but I’m not sure the writers are always able to pull it off. Some of the casting is brilliant whilst some of it — well, makes you wonder — how did that person land the role. I’m hoping it survives.

And that’s it for now … yes, I’m back at least once a week … if not more. 🙂 I’ve always got something to say – like it or not. I hope everyone has a great week … in two weeks I’ll be on another holiday — yes, you heard it — another holiday! 😉

Shalom,

Bryce

 

 

 

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we’re able to breathe again


113082640614257112_EiVN25An_cAre there really any words that one can say to a parent who loses their only child? I think that silence, tears and hugs are probably the best thing in situations such as this … A very dear, dear sweet friend of mine lost her only son – 19 – last week.  I admire her strength through this moment, but I know the journey is just beginning …

Thus, my lack of being here … death rattles my world when it affects the people I love and care for deeply.

I think believe that when you love someone – you love all parts of them and that includes their family.  The news hit me incredibly hard and I, who rarely am speechless, was utterly speechless.

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I promise – what I want and need to say won’t take long – so: sit back, listen and contemplate.

For so many death is final; however, I don’t believe it to be final in any way shape or form.  Against “popular” opinion of there being no heaven, I disagree with ounce of my being – every single fibre.

What I imagine after death is … beyond description, but I will tell you it is beautiful and it inspires me beyond measure.  And no, I don’t believe everyone gets to go there.  There are far too many evil, self-serving and hateful people – who habitually live to reign their own brand of terror upon a few or many –  on this spinning planet.

And we never really lose those that go on before us … if we remember them as we knew them — their love continues to grow and protects us whilst we continue our journeys through life. And eventually, although not completely healed, we’re able to breathe again …

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And it’s night four of Hanukkah … counting my blessings and those of my friends and family.

Much love,

Bryce

 

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